There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
