all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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