Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You left your underwear on the fireplace
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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