If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
