dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
