Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
