There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
