Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
