i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
