This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
