yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Randomize
