there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
