Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
