the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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