I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
