oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When are your genitals available?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
