uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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