my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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