i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
