My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
