he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
