I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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