She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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