I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
