his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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