I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
