he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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