no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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