ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
