I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
