got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
