New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
