fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
