I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize