Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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