he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
