shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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