is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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