I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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