Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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