I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
