he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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