Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
