just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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