I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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