So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
