As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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