So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
