even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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