toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
