everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
