She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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