i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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