It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
