it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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