Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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