a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
