Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
