Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
