U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Are we still banned from the library?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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