Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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