After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
