I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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