so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
