you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
